An Open Letter to My Husband about the Grocery Store

[Ed. note – I want to express my sincere thanks to Anne Elster for her generous hospitality this summer. Thanks for letting us live in your house, drive your van, and eat your raspberries. We really appreciate it!]

Dear Gavin,

Today we are moving into our permanent Trondheim apartment, which regrettably means that we will have to learn the layout of a new grocery store. I know how much anxiety this gives you. You managed to keep your discomfort with unfamiliar grocery stores a secret for the first four years of our relationship, but I became fully acquainted with it in 2009, when on vacation in Austria, you returned from shopping with only a panicked expression and three pounds of almonds, because you “weren’t sure that the store had the other things on the list.” (Almonds were not on the list.)

Gavin ate many almonds on this hike.

The almond incident was the most dramatic example, but I have noticed your unease on other occasions as well, such as when we switched from the Giant on Riva Road to the Safeway on Bestgate. Yes, you had to learn a new route through the store and how to avoid the people who need help reaching the top shelf. But! Your sacrifice meant we have better fruits and vegetables. I appreciate your willingness to power through.

There is an upside however. I don’t share your apprehension, but that’s because I don’t have as far to fall. You are a much more efficient grocery shopper than me, both because of your superior knowledge of grocery store layouts, and my tendency to go “off-list.”

To help ease your transition, I’ve developed this guide to the Bunnpris on Klostergata, across the street from our new apartment.

I know I spelled “aisles” wrong.

The Produce Section is to your right when you enter the store, past the Post Office kiosk. You may spend less time in this section than me, since we have differing views on what constitutes purchasing “a lot of produce.”

• Highlights: The Norwegian berries look pretty good, and I understand they are at the peak of ripeness this time of year.
• Things to avoid: Avocados (or anything else that only grows in a tropical climate).

Continue to your right into…

The Meat/Cheese Refrigerator, which is a whole room for carnivores.

• Highlights: The wall of salami. It takes up as much shelf space as is devoted elsewhere to, for example, all canned goods.

The wall of salami.

• Things to avoid: nothing, you will be in your element here.

Exit the refrigerator, and on your right are…

Breads and Spreads, a section that includes various condiments and things to put them on. There is a bread slicer, just like we’ve seen elsewhere.

• Highlights: Any of these things will be way better than what we have in America.
• Things to avoid: If your wife accidentally buys a kilogram of lingonberry jelly, it will only cost $2, but you’ll be eating it for the rest of your life.

Yep, the Norwegian word for that is tyttebærsyltetøy.

Straight ahead is…

The Taco Section. One thing you have in common with your Norwegian forefathers is, surprisingly, a love of tacos. In fact, 8.2% of Norwegians eat tacos every Friday night, commonly known as fredagstaco.

• Highlights: They have tacosaus, which you’ve already discovered elsewhere.

• Things to avoid: These taco boats look less than authentic. Also, avoid the ketchup. Despite what Norway thinks, it is not a taco condiment.

To your left you’ll find…

The Frozen Foods. These are pretty self-explanatory.

• Highlights: your wife likes ice cream.

• Things to avoid: Buckets of ground fish.

To your left are…

The Aisles

There are 4 aisles in the Bunnpris, organized as follows, from right to left:

• Aisle 1: Spices, cereal, pudding, soda, cookies, and coffee.
• Aisle 2: Snacks, baby food, dried soup, and canned goods.
• Aisle 3: Cleaning supplies and candles.
• Aisle 4: Candy, underwear, and personal hygiene products.

Unfortunately I can’t determine a real organizational pattern here, so this might be your biggest challenge.  Nevertheless –

• Highlights: I don’t know if this is a highlight, but I bet we eat a ton of lemon-flavored kjeks.

The lemon kjeks are better than the vanilla kjeks.

• Things to avoid: This store isn’t big enough for both a candle section and an underwear section.

So, that’s it. Not so bad! Hopefully, now you will be able to traverse the Bunnpris with confidence. Thanks for saving us time and money husband! I love you!

Love,

Your wife